We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
