A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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