i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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