i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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