He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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