i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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