Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
