If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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