Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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