Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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