Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You took a bar mat shot.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
