All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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