He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
