Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
