how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
