sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
