There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
