I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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