You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
