Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
