That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
