Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
