he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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