Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
