What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
