I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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