this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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