That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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