what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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