Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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