dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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