I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So many bounce houses so little time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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