Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
