Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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