I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
