At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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