As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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