I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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