Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my shit smells like andre
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize