I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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