It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
