i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
