I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
