Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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