Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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