I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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