I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
