I just saw a hot homeless man
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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