Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
