I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
