How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
