someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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