I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Enjoy the penises
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
