I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
