direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize