I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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