Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
