We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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