It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
