I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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