Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
