I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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