went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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