If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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