idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
