I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
