Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
