I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
