so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
