I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
